Wrote this after episode 17, cause it is almost impossible for me to keep my head shut so to speak. Plus I graduated so there is no school before I go for a masters degree eventually, and Hubby is out of town for couple of weeks training with the Army. In other words I got time. Too much? Probably. So much I have in my head to convey and it looks like a cow patty typed out but this is my attempt to get it put on the page.
Choi Young lowered his head for duty, to save her, but ultimately he kissed her because he himself couldn’t come through with another plan. He put a stop to the wedding because he knew it was all for him that she was caught in the evil snare laid out to catch her. He knew the minute he heard that she was going to do this it was for him. Choi Young knew him kissing her would keep her away from the evil surrounding them, next to him, and barring her from marrying this evil man that poisoned her. Choi Young knew this was the only way around the trap she got herself snagged in, all for him.
All for him.
Why couldn’t she just stay by his side so he could protect her? Did she not understand that would help him more knowing she was safe, and not in trouble because of him. Because of him she gave to keep him alive, he meant all the words he said to her about not caring to know when he died. He wanted to live protecting her until she passed through heaven’s gate. Then he would live his life a day at a time remembering what he had, lost, and missed beyond reason.
Choi Young wasn’t there to protect and fight with his fellow Wooldalchi in the woods to save the king. He just needed a little more time, but the deadline to save Eun Soo from a marriage to that evil man came so quick. There was no time to protect everybody. He would live with this guilt until he passed from the earth. His inability to choose anything other than saving his love was the reason those men died, because of him.
Because of him.
After he came away alive from the attempted explosion he felt almost like everything had been reset in his world, and he didn’t know where to go, or what to do first, or what to do at all. He had been confused as Lady Choi was confused why his life was spared. Now he knew why and it was because of her.
Because of her.
This kiss revived in him those same feelings of confusion. He didn’t know what to do with his hands, or how to stand, or even how long to continue on this path. This kiss was a brand on her in front of the ministers, the Wooldalchi, and Deok Heung-jae. Heung-jae could no longer have her, or make grand gestures to look as though he had possession of her. This kiss was branding him too, for her.
All for her.
He was hers from this moment on. He didn’t care when he died, he knew he only cared right now about how he lived. He fought everything he knew, everything he knew he wasn’t supposed to do, everything he did or didn’t deserve, and forgot the room full of ministers who would skewer him as usual if they could just for this kiss.
Choi Young felt complete for the first time in his life. Even when he was with Mae He-ah in his younger days he was always searching for that completeness love could give to a person’s wellbeing. There was no reason to why he had this feeling with Eun Soo. Maybe he had been away from love for so long that he just could not remember that perfect wholeness, or maybe it had something to do with that diary predicting his future, but he could feel the rightness of her in his arms and his heart.
He lowered his head to kiss her for duty, but in the end it was all for them. The kiss was perfect and everything was forgotten around them because this moment felt right, and all for them.
All for them.